


Wingman

by marvelwth



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Riley and sam Wilson friendship, Sam Wilson Cooks, Sam Wilson Feels, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:02:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23058952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelwth/pseuds/marvelwth
Summary: It's the anniversary of Sam Wilson's best friend Riley's death and he decides that it's about time he talks about it with someone. He recalls both a happy memory and a sad memory as he remembers his friend.
Relationships: Riley & Sam Wilson
Kudos: 4





	Wingman

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I originally wrote this for an instagram thing but figured I'd also put it on here because I liked how it turned out. 
> 
> If anyone likes putting names to faces, I fancasted Oliver Stark as Riley and Paget Brewster as Dr. Abigail Alinsky. Anthony Mackie is still Sam, of course. 
> 
> The song that I associate with this angsty one shot is Small World by Idina Menzel. 
> 
> The text in italics is flash backs.
> 
> I hope you all like it!

The therapist sitting across from Sam was looking at him as if trying to read every part of his soul. The truth was, it was probably going to work. He sat there, trying to look as if he wasn’t uncomfortable, which wasn’t working. As a counselor at the VA, Sam worked with veterans and he knew all of the ticks that showed when someone wasn’t comfortable or wanted to flee the room. It has been awhile since he attended a one on one session with a therapist. But after the nightmares and seeing anything and thinking of him, he knew it was time to talk to someone. After all, the anniversary of the incident was in two days and Sam already knew he’d be spending that time mostly in bed. Last year, he lost two days in his head, reliving the event over and over again. 

Sam was getting lost in thought again. He felt cornered and if there was one thing he hated, it was being cornered. He wanted to push back the whole ‘touchy feely’ stuff as long as possible. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen. The therapist wasn’t here to stare at his face. She spoke up, startling him out of his own train of thought.

“Sam? How do you feel about starting simple. We don’t need to talk about heavy topics right away.” She gauged his reaction after she spoke. Sam looked at the rectangular plaque that stated her name; it read Abigail Alinsky, PhD. His eyes returned to look at her face and kept a neutral expression. His hands were crossed in his lap, trying to avoid fidgeting as much as possible. He knew that she knew about him. He could spot the familiar looking manila folder within her stack of papers that read ‘Wilson, Sam.’ Still, he appreciated her not bringing anything from that file up except for his name. 

“I don’t really mind. It’s been awhile since I had a one on one session.” He scratched the back of his neck as he laughed nervously. “Last year. It’s almost exactly one year from today.” The doctor nodded at that. She probably had that in one of her files that was open in front of her. 

“Why is that?” She asked and Sam knew exactly where this was heading. It was heading right for the ‘touchy feely’ stuff. Yes, Sam was good with giving advice and listening to other people's feelings, but when it came to his own problems, he wasn't the best at sharing what he felt and what to do about it. He took a deep breath, and sat up in his chair. This was what he came here for, after all. 

“Because it’s the anniversary of when my best friend died. Riley was his name; he was my brother. My wingman.” He let his eyes focus on a bright green pen that was in front of him on the desk, not wanting to look directly at her as he thought. 

“Anniversaries can bring up all of the past memories, even if it happened a long time ago. It’s good that you came here to talk about it, Sam.” She smiled after she spoke and leaned back in her chair, looking more casual and at ease. Sam was still sitting up straight as he felt more tense then before. He nodded in agreement to her statement.

“I just.. felt like it was time, you know? I’ve talked to a few of my friends about it, but it’s different even if they can relate,” Sam explained and made a gesture with his hand before he continued. “They don’t need me dumping my problems on them. Not when so much stuff is happening. Last I heard they were dealing with a bunch of crazy robots.” He made a face because yes, that was his life as well as theres. 

Doctor Alinsky smiled again at that and then leaned forward again, writing something down on her tiny leatherbound notebook. “So, let's talk about Riley and I don’t want to hear about the tragedy that happened all those years ago. I want to hear the happy moments that you associate with him.”

Sam smiled back, but it only lasted a split second before she asked the question. He thought back to the moments where they were truly brothers; the bickering and the fighting that was both verbal and physical, but the overwhelming moments were the ones where they bonded.

Sam knew of the perfect memory. His face brightened up a little and Alinsky definitely noticed.

“That memory you just thought of… what was it?”

“A happy one… it was December 20th, and Riley and I were in charge of making Christmas brownies for the annual party we held with a few other Airforce friends…” Sam started to explain and he recalled every single detail as if he was brought back to that moment.

_Sam Mixed up the gooey mixture of eggs, butter, brownie mix, and whatever else they added to the mix. He was sure they added way too much peppermint flavoring; the smell was invading his nostrils and even if it smelled very good, he was sure the taste would be much different and not as appetizing._

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_“Hey man, this is supposed to be a-” Sam didnt have time to finish that sentence. There was a snicker behind him and before he could even turn around, he felt a hand slap on the top of his head followed by the feeling of something cold and wet running down every part of his head. The hand retracted and Sam turned around slowly, lifting his hand to touch the top of his head. It was egg. Riley, being a little shit, managed to sneak behind him and crack an egg on his head and he couldn’t have looked prouder. Sam looked at the man before him, who looked as if he just won an Oscar. “You’re gonna pay for that.” Sam threatened and acted on that threat instantly._

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_He grabbed the first thing he saw on the table, which happened to be a tub of red frosting, and ran toward Riley who started to back up. Unfortunately for him, Sam was faster. He had a handful of frosting in his hand and was already reaching out, smearing it on him. Riley managed to turn his head but it still got into his blond hair and neck. He laughed, feeling satisfied with his revenge before Riley ended up grabbing a container of green sprinkles and blindly waving them at Sam. Sam gasped, feeling betrayed as the sprinkles stuck to the egg that has now dripped onto all parts of his face._

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_“I hope you find sprinkles all over until next Christmas.” Riley turned to look at Sam as he spoke. Sam could practically hear the smirk in his voice as he started to wipe the egg off of his face and head. He made a face, disgusted by the clear goo on his fingers that he then flung into the sink with a flick of his hand._

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_“Oh yeah? I’m coming back at you twice as hard, you better watch your back.” Sam threatened back, pointing a finger at Riley and then turning back to the bowl. Riley joined him at his side a second later, and when he looked over at him, he was still smirking._

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_“This is what you get for blasting Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ 20 times in a row. And **singing**.” Riley spoke as he helped wiped the egg and tiny sprinkles off the back of Sam’s head._

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_“You love my singing and you know it.” Sam shot back, paying attention to the mixture in front of him._

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_“You sounded like Quinn when he was sick and nearly lost his voice. Remember? His voice sounded like he ate a bowl of gravel.”_

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_“I did not!”_

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_“Did to!_

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_The argument went on far longer than necessary and only stopped when Sam finished mixing and swatted at Riley with a wet rolled up towel._

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If only it had stayed that simple, Sam thought. He didn’t even realize he closed his eyes while thinking back to that memory that felt like centuries ago. He blinked when he reopened his eyes, seeing Alinsky who looked very attentive as she listened. She smiled a close lipped smile as she realized it was over. 

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“Riley seems like a lovely person. I’m sure there were a lot of moments like that?” She asked and Sam just nodded in response. There were way too many to share in the time they had together. “It sometimes helps people to focus on those moments rather than the bad. It may not stop the negative feelings from appearing, but it can be one thing to motivate you to get through it. I always say that when a person dies, they die twice. Once when they leave us, and another time when the people that knew the person dies. People will always live on in memory and be alive there.” 

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Sam smiled at that thought, even if he’s heard it hundreds of times before. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t think of Riley at least once a day. 

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But when it came down to the upcoming days, the only thoughts that plagued his mind was the negative thoughts. The ones involved in the fall, the bomb, the panic… 

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It was all trapped in his mind. No amount of therapy, working out, cooking, or any other distraction would ever make him forget it, no matter how hard he tried.

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“It’s all in my head…” He relayed to her, who sat there patiently, looking at him with a genuinely concerned look on his face. “I remember every detail and sometimes…” Sam took a deep breath, trying to stop the shakiness of his voice “sometimes it’s like I’m reliving the moment. The nightmares have gotten worse in the past few days.” His hands were now fidgeting in his lap, playing with a loose string on his sweatpants. 

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“Whatever you want to share, I’m here to listen, Sam. I know we just met, but I am here for you.” She sounded genuine in her words and he appreciated that a lot. He could at least trust her with this. That didn’t happen often. He assumed it was because he felt like he had to retell these emotions to someone else. It wouldn’t hurt him to share, and he knew that.

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Sam felt his eyes close again, but this time with more hesitancy. It’s like whenever he closed his eyes, he was in that moment again. It was like he could smell the smoke and hear the commanding voices in his ear once again. His hands stopped fidgeting; instead they were shaking. He waited a moment before he started to recall the event that at the time, seemed like the end of the world.

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_A few tugs at the clasps around his chest and a few adjustments with the gear on his arms and legs left him ready to go. Glancing over at Riley, he was already set to go._

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_“Slow poke.” Riley teased as he started to head toward the other tent where the Sergeant stood, ready to give the order._

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_Sam shook his head at his friend before saying “Since when were we racing.” and following after Riley. As soon as they were present, they stood at attention on the other side of the table facing the sergeant. He relayed the plan to them. It seemed simple enough, but so do all missions. Sam and Riley were only supposed to be the tests for the EXO-7 Falcon, but they were finally cleared for on-field duty after they realized they couldn’t infiltrate the area without getting shot out of the sky. The suits were much faster, smaller, and easier to infiltrate areas like this one. Sam still remembered the first time flying one of the suits - he had never felt so free in his life, not even when he flew the standard plane the airforce had.  
This mission involved apprehending Khalid Khandil, a criminal they had spent too long looking for. This was the most hopeful time of catching him and everyone was confident in their tasks. _

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_After the briefing was over, Riley and Sam separated from the group. They tested the coms and once everything was checked and deemed ready, they were off. Sam pushed off the ground, letting the wings and jets on the suit fly him high into the air. Sam loved the feeling of the air on his face and the feeling of being weightless, but he couldn’t focus on that in the moment. All he could do was focus on the mission._

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_They were nearing the coordinates they were given. Many sources stated that this was where Khandil was and would be apprehended._

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_“Don’t die out there.”_

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_He heard RIley speak in his ear, and he only chuckled quietly before he responded with a simple “right back at you.”_

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_They were finally in the ‘danger zone.’ They had to be focused and their only goal was to find the target and bring him in with minimal damage. They stayed at a distance, but slowly started to descend when they could. Riley was a bit lower than Sam and in front of him. In this position, they would hopefully be under as much cover as they could._

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_They flew closer. Sam had a weird feeling in his gut. He chalked it up to the usual mission nerves and ignored it._

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_They could see flashes of people behind buildings and cars. Sam stated that he didn’t see any weapons and they were clear to land at the nearest place of cover near where the target may be._

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_Then there was a dark flash in front of them. He pointed it out to Riley. Riley stated that it was most likely a person, an ally of Khandil as he saw someone behind that wall a second before._

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_Sam wished it was only just a person._

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_He didn’t have time to question the movement. No time to call out to someone. No time to say ‘retreat.’_

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_No time to even say ‘goodbye.’_

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_The explosion pierced his ears and forced him to turn because of the blast. He was disorientated. He remembers calling for Riley but the only thing he got was static and smoke invading his nose and mouth. He coughed and tried his best to get on track. He called for Riley again.  
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_He couldn't see anything. He had to keep going. He was up there, but he couldn't do anything. He was clear from the smoke a minute later and the voice of his sergeant rang through his head._

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_It was a demand to keep going. He was a soldier. He had to keep going, he couldn’t just stop. He ignored the salty tears filling up his eyes and kept going. He couldn’t stop glancing behind him, as if Riley would appear from out of the smoke and say some dumbass comment of how Sam thought he actually… was gone._

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_But he was. He was gone._

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_His wingman, brother, best friend… he was gone. And there was nothing he could do about it._

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_Sam could hear Riley’s voice in his head, telling him to keep going because that was the mission._

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_He heard his voice when he took out the man who shot RIley down. If he shot a few too many shots at him, that was between him and his anger._

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_He heard Riley’s voice in his head when he finally approached Khandil and called in back up that would take him back in an armored truck. He thought Riley would say some stupid comment like “1 point for the bazaar.” It was a stupid nickname he gave them after he learned what a group of Falcon’s was called._

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_He was supposed to take the armored truck back, but he thought that if he spent one moment even driving behind Khandil, he might end up blowing to up out of revenge. He chose to fly instead, hovering above them. He let himself go while he was surrounded by clouds. He took the goggles in front of his eyes off and let the wind dry the tears cascading down his cheeks. They were hot and filled with both anger and sadness. He screamed, comfortable knowing no one can hear him. He may have choked on his own tears, as well, but he didn’t care. Little mattered now that he knew that his right hand man wasn’t there flying next to him. The next few hours were a blur. He barely remembers signing off on the report or getting cleared by medical. He does remember that night; he was in the barracks curled up under the thin scratchy blanket and it hit him harder than it did when it happened._

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_He was declared a hero for finally bringing in Khandil, but it’s only his name being said. He reminds everyone that it was also Riley, because he wouldn’t be here if it wasn't for him._

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_There was a funeral and Sam went. He tried to speak at it at Riley’s mother's request, but he couldn’t get the words out. No amount of words could summarize Riley; he was too good of a brother. But he would live on in memory for however long Sam lived, that’s for sure._

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Now here he was, talking to Dr. Alinsky many years later about the event that impacted him more than anything.

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Sam reopened his eyes and could feel the moist tears on his cheeks. He lifted his bowed head to make eye contact with Alinsky after telling the tragedy.

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“I am sorry you had to go through that, Sam. But I’m sure that Riley would be very happy to see where you are in life right now.” She said, hopefully to reassure him. 

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Sam could only imagine what Riley would say if he found out he was a superhero that worked with Captain America. Most likely make fun of him, of course, but also be ecstatic afterwards. He smiled a little at the thought while he took a tissue and wiped at the tears on his face.

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They finished the session with only a few more tears and less smiles, but it was nice to talk about it with someone. He left with a handshake and her card. He was sure he was going to come back, whether that be next week or next year. He wouldn’t know, but what he did know was that he was going to go home after a quick trip to the grocery store.

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He needed red frosting and green sprinkles.

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Despite it being March, he had some Christmas brownies to make this weekend.

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**___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ **

__

**___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ **

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ **


End file.
